I can’t explain this feeling, but I’m willing to try.
It starts somewhere in the pit of my stomach, a gnawing first and then a gentle clawing.
It travels, yes, it travels to my diaphragm and begins to knock. It wants to reach my deepest place.
Of course I fight. I hold my breath. I send myself to exotic locations; into the minds of abstract writers, of techno songwriters.
But then, you can only fight it for so long before it lets itself in.
Swift. Shocking. Aching.
I feel my heart shrink, not like a constriction, but like a recoiling from my body.
My body is suddenly not whole.
My mind is fragmented, struggling to keep its hold on sanity.
I yearn for completeness. To reattach this missing part.
I know you are missing from me, but it feels like I am missing.
Lost and unable to find myself.