How I've Changed In The Last Two Years.
How’s it going? So I was looking at my old posts and I realized that the first post I did was like 40 things about me **Insert a gazillion cringes**. Lord. What was I thinking? I keep that post to remind myself how foolish I was at sixteen and how incredibly naive I was. Well, today I decided I’d write about life since that first post; the major things I’ve learnt and how I’ve evolved since then other than adding a few more years and inches. Time, growth and age are so beautiful when they happen in sync with each other. It’s sad to see people who age but do not get any wiser than they were five years ago, hence I am thankful to the Almighty that I can look back and appreciate my mistakes and see clearly what I did wrong in the past and endeavor to not repeat the same mistakes. Anyway, I’ll write the things I’ve learned and how they’ve changed me and I promise to keep it short;
1. Nothing in life goes exactly how you plan: You see if there has been anything to ever nearly become a motto in my life, it’s those words in bold you just read. My life has NEVER gone according to plan. The only things I’m doing now that I’d always wanted to do other than living my life in a way that pleases God would be studying medicine and writing. I said I wanted to be doctor before I got into primary school and the funny thing is in secondary (High) school I changed plans from doctor to lawyer to engineer and back to medicine. I started writing little stories when I was about seven. I tried many times to write novels but it’s pretty difficult to do that with a forty leaves exercise book and a pen, and I gave up every time. Even until my last year in secondary school, leaving the country to study wasn’t in the plan, but it happened. Ukraine was not the plan either, until a month before I applied for a visa. Half the people I was friends with or thought I’d be BFFs with aren’t even among my close acquaintances anymore and fortunately I don’t regret any of that. You see at the time when all these things were happening, it was torturous, to say the least. It’s maddening when your life’s plan keeps changing and you have no control over it especially if you like to be in control like me. With my family’s support and the support of good friends who always remind me to see the bigger picture, life is good. My support system continually redirects me to the source of greater support and if you have people who constantly have your back, you know it’s the best thing anyone can have. Well, my lesson: Learn to let things be. Don’t fret about things you cannot change. The people who will be in your life and add to it, do not need to be begged to stay. They’ll love you. And enjoy your presence.
2. Slow down and smell the roses: I was hit by this quote last year and I haven’t quite been the same. The meaning is so beautiful to me because I’m always rushing everything. I like things to start and finish quickly and sometimes I forget to enjoy being with people I love because I’m thinking of that test I have to study for when I know that I’ll have more that enough time for it. At a point, I felt like I was going through the motions, just getting through every day. That is a terrible way to live. And now? I smile at strangers, babies I don’t know. I stop to take photos when I see the sun setting in a beautiful angle (yes, I’m weird like that). I spend a few minutes a day just doing nothing, even if it’s five minutes, I indulge my profound laziness and stare at the wall, it’s amazing, to me. It clears my head and I think about nothing. I dance every morning while I get ready for school and I celebrate sunshine, the thing makes my day light and bright and happy and it’s rare in winter. I take thirty minutes to an hour reading a non medical book that I love every day. What are your indulgences? Food? sleep? partying (bleh)? reading? Make time for the little things that keep you going. Savor moments. Keep them in your mind like beautiful slideshows and hold on to them.
3. It’s your life: I’ve been a people pleaser for a greater portion of my life and living away from home has taught me that while it’s all good to make people smile and listen to them when they give advice, whatever decisions you make stick with you. People will walk away and leave you with the repercussions of the decisions you let them make for you. If it’s not your parents, or close friends whom you know have proven themselves closer than family, then you really have no business swallowing anyone else’s opinion about you. If you’re unsure, then ask the people you trust. I’m sure that if these people are real friends, they’d tell you you were going wrong before any other person would. So when those people who love to shove their noses in your business come along, you can nod your head and smile which is what I do and do what’s right for you. And if you make a mistake? We’re humans. We make mistakes, you wouldn’t be the first and that wouldn’t be your last mistake either, trust me. You only owe a few people explanations for the way you live your life and I don’t need to tell you who these are. You know. So if there’s any justification to ever be done, it’s to them and no one else! Never in my life than in these past two years have people tried to force things down my throat. It’s hard. But when you’re finally at the point where you know what you want, it’s liberating.
4. DON’T GIVE UP: In the past two years, I’ve learned from my experiences and those of a few close friends and family the importance of never giving up. I’ve never been a persevering person. I used to give up quickly once I ran into any form of difficulty, when any subject became too difficult, when I did not do as well as I expected or when I was scared I wouldn’t do well enough. At times when I’d be scared of failure I wouldn’t even try at all. But I’ve made progress, not changed completely, but I’m not giving up. I’m trying new things and quickly realizing that there’s no shame in not doing things perfectly. I’m clumsy and a little socially awkward, however, I’m making progress. I’m learning to laugh at my mistakes and learn from them and that’s the biggest thing this blog has done for me. I read old posts and amid all my cringing, I reflect on my past lessons and I can still apply some of them in my present. So, persevere. Don’t be afraid. There’s a quote from one of favorite movies ”A Cinderella Story”;
”Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”
When you’re not afraid, you have fewer regrets. I’m a better student than I was two years ago because I persevere more. Apart from the occasional bout of laziness, I actually do my work to the best of my ability. I’ll always remember what a certain girl told me a few years ago. I had told her I had exams and she told me
”Study hard. No regrets”
I’m not sure she remembers, I hope she does. But I’m forever grateful for that advice and when I’m exhausted or lazy, it’s one of the things that keeps me going. I don’t want to regret that extra hour of sleep. And if I’m going to risk anything for sleep aka the love of my life, then I’ll be sure I won’t have to regret it.
5. Make Peace With the Past: This is so crucial to living a happy life. Forgive. And move on. You don’t have to forget, even though it might help to forget. But, let go. Let go so you can be free to smile at everyone and not have your heart accelerate in anger or hurt when you see someone. Let go so that you do not have to dodge people or places for someone. Let go and own your life again. Be the possessor of your happiness and let no one control your emotions. And if there are things you’ve done that you aren’t proud of, it’s done. Let go. Release yourself and change. I’m also learning to tell people when they hurt me and not let it all fester inside, because chances are they have no idea what they’ve done, you know, being human and unable to read minds and all that. So tell them, calmly. It sets you free.
Some Other things that have changed;
– I eat more.
– I became myopic (short sighted) and I now use glasses.
– I am definitely less trusting than I was two years ago.
– I seem to love sleep more( thank you med school)
– I hardly ever iron my clothes (thanks again med school)
– I read more than I used to, novels and all kinds of books.
– I listen to new and more music
– I’m more.. social.
– I still prefer flats to heels. Heels are beautiful, but flats are comfy.
– I still take a lot of pictures!
I’ve learnt a few more lessons, but many of them are personal and this is really long already. I’ll be eighteen soon. There’s a lot I don’t know about yet, there’s a lot I haven’t done yet. But I’m learning from all the phenomenal women in my life. If you’re one of them, you know. I just hope that someone can learn a thing or two from this post and save himself from worrying about how things will turn out because things always sort themselves out. I hope someone learns to chew a bit more slowly and to let others complete their sentences without interrupting (I’m still trying to do this). And I hope this post prevents someone from being squeezed into the mold of public opinion. Everyone I’ve ever met has taught me something, in good ways or bad. Try to learn from every experience. Thanks for reading guys and see you around xx
**P.S I’m thinking of a more personalized sign off like maybe A, but I don’t want to sound like the A in pretty little liars :(. But we’ll see.